Dear Abby: My Mother-in-Law Keeps Showing Up “Accidentally” on Our Dates

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Jake,” tells his mother where we plan to go and what we plan to do on our “date nights.” She’s actually shown up a few times. She acts surprised to see us, asking us “what we’re doing.” She doesn’t try to sit with us or hang around with us, thank God, but she’s there, watching and listening from a little distance away. She’s never liked me, and I suspect this is just another of her passive-aggressive ways of getting on my nerves.

Our dating is an active effort to try to save our marriage. When she first showed up, I told Jake I didn’t like it and that it better not happen again. He assured me it wouldn’t. I also asked him to stop telling her where we were going and what we were doing. He didn’t. He says he “can’t” tell his mother to leave because it’s a public place and she has a right to be there too. What should I do? — I HAD THIS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR HAD IT: If you and Jake are serious about saving your marriage and aren’t already in marriage counseling, start talking to a licensed marriage and family therapist NOW. Jake sounds like a man who can’t say “no” to his mother. Your mother-in-law has every right to go to any restaurant she wants, but she shouldn’t be hounding you. A therapist can help you get this message across to your husband, whose priorities seem to be out of whack.

In the meantime, YOU should take matters into your own hands and organize your dates. Make reservations and don’t tell anyone where you’re going – not even your husband.